“His Little Secret”

I’ve done a lot of writing lately, aside from the book I am looking to finish, I had another idea for a book which I’ll probably end up doing for book 2 if I even manage to change lives with my first book. This is more of a poetic piece but just an idea I had either way.

It’s an excerpt with two perspectives. One from the addicts eyes (the reasons for his actions, his thought process and his response to her pain) and the other being from her eyes (trying to be supportive, suffering from his actions, her own thoughts on his addiction). Here’s a quick excerpt, I hope any readers enjoy it!! By the way, no it’s not fiction. This is based off of conversations I’d have with my wife and her family.


“I love him. I love him. I love him. I… Love him? Each day he gives me more and more reason to question my love for him. Disappearing throughout the day, disappearing throughout the night. My card disappearing from my purse and money disappearing from my account. Yet he always comes back empty handed. But why? Why would he empty my account knowing I pay bills? Why would he empty my account knowing I feed the kids? Why would he empty my account when he could just get clean and get a job??

Yeah I know his ‘little secret’, I know he puts poison into his body. I don’t know what exactly it is, I just know it’s important enough to leave his girl and kids without money.. it changed him. It made him angry and it made him depressed. He gets sick and stays in bed all day, he gets violent and puts his hands on me all night. I love him, I really do love him… but does he love me? Does he love me enough to stop? Does he love me enough to be the man I fell in love with?”

“I love her. I love her to death. I love her through thick, I love her through thin. She makes me so happy, when she’s gone I feel sad. I need her warmth, I need her touch. I need her in my sleep and I need her when I’m awake. If I don’t have her I’m sick and depressed all day. Even though I can only see her and feel her when I have money, I’ll do whatever I have to. No matter the time, no matter the place. I need her, and I love her. I know she loves me, if she didn’t then why would she make me feel so euphoric? My love, my little secret…

Oh and my girlfriend? She doesn’t understand. I want to love her. Even though she hates me. Even though she puts her hands on me. She blames me for everything and slaps me around. ‘Don’t touch me and I won’t touch you’. She wouldn’t understand, even if I told her”

-Jay

Published by JAddicted

Like most of you, or some of you... maybe even none of you, I suffer from addiction. No, Im not talking “blog” addiction, or “internet” addiction, because that’s not addiction. I suffer from drug addiction and my goal is to become the voice of those who can’t, wont or are just too scared to speak up. My goal isn’t even success nor redemption. The damage I’ve caused is way too deep. I look to provide a mental and emotional sanctuary to those need it and remind our people that change is possible. Who knows, maybe if I had that I’d really have success and redemption.

4 thoughts on ““His Little Secret”

  1. Addiction can be a real struggle so I appreciate you sharing this with folks. Even for those who haven’t gone through this personally, or felt the impact addiction may be having on somebody in their life, talking about it can grant some perspective. Thank you for your showcase submission, I’m very proud to be featuring your posts. I hope your book is able to help people 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: