Toxicity In Music And How SchoolBoy Q’s Prescription/Oxymoron Shaped My Addiction

Many of our artists these days idolize drug use from their lyrics to their music videos. We’ve lost many to OD and to side affects of drug withdrawal or usage, the most recent being Juice WRLD. Whether or not it’s confirmed that his death is from his drug usage, we can safely assume that his lifestyle was not a straight edge lifestyle. Many artists such as Lil Wayne, Chief Keef, Mac Miller, Fredo Santana, Elvis Presley, Eminem, etc. have had or still have an addiction to prescription drugs, most being opiates. So seizures is common within the addict community. Of course, you don’t drink a cup a codeine and have a seizure right after. Like any destructive addiction, these side affects occur over time and those unfortunate enough to experience them, are either dead (We all know who RIP), struggling to stay healthy with constant seizures, heart problems, frequent visits to hospitals (Lil Wayne for example) or decided to take the best alternative and got clean (Eminem).

Like I said, no matter the consequences, the euphoric effects caused by using an obsessive amount of the drug of preference is almost always included in many songs by our favorites and our youth can’t help but get curious about what they’re listening to. Our most recent hero to pass, Juice WRLD had his hit song “Lucid Dreams” on replay on the radio for months after it came out and even still constantly played by fans and radio stations alike after it’s time of popularity. Personally, the line that got me to relate was:

I take prescriptions to make me feel a-okay

I know it’s all in my head

– Juice WRLD, Lucid Dreams

Of course, I was an avid user of prescription pain killers so any depressing song about heart breaks was bound to motivate me to take more pills than I’m used to. Why are kids so easily influenced by what these rappers say? Good question. I grew up listening to Eminem, early YMCMB, and G-Unit. Before the era of trap music and pill popping came along so my addiction doesn’t stem off of Xanax and codeine but that’s not to say, I didn’t listen to that music once the time came. My influence wasn’t music but certain songs absolutely got me in the mood to use. Again, I can’t speak for today’s youth but from my own experience, lyrics are becoming more and more relatable these days. I have to be honest, I wasn’t “sippin’ on gin and juice” as a kid and I wasn’t gonna “shoot em up” if I had a problem with my classmates. Of course, eventually I became the stereotypical young adult from the hood during this era, but songs now a days revolve around sex, drugs, killing and dysfunctional relationships. And of course the occasional, “twerk” song that females love dancing to. Though it never mentions the risks behind all of these illicit activities that captures the attention of anyone who dares to listen.

Now on to the main topic of my post. A song that perfectly describes how it feels to be an addict. I listened to SchoolBoy Q and TDE faithfully during my time in college so I became a huge fan purchasing several of his albums. Of course, when I had my epic down fall I completely focused all my time on my addiction and strayed away from social media and his music as a whole. Actually any music. My life became empty. No music, no communication with the outside world, just drugs. But before that, I fell in love with his music and loved it almost as much as I loved my demon. From reading my content you’ll come to find out that my demon was my one true love for a time, opiates. Percs, oxy, heroin, fentanyl, you name it, I did it and I loved it. Of course I’d mix my love for an enhanced “black out” feeling with Xanax, liquor and marijuana but that quickly ended after numerous altercations, accidents and mornings waking up wondering what the f*ck happened the last 12-24 hours. Sh*t sometimes even 48 hours.

With that being said, SchoolBoy Q had just dropped his platinum album, and by far my favorite project, “Oxymoron.” He features the likes Of Kendrick Lamar, A$AP Rocky etc. But the one song that captured my ear was a song that only had him on it. Of course every song gives us a taste of his drug filled, gangsta life style but this one in particular truly captured the “addict” lifestyle that we all hit at some point. Prescription/Oxymoron – SchoolBoy Q.

Mostly just the first half, is what would really open my eyes and release my temptations, of course I’m fully aware that this song highlights the negative aspects of being an addict but to me, it was just a reason to escape.

Prescription drugs, I fell in love

My little secret, she gon’ kill a thug

My body numb, she like to give me hugs

I love her touch, I get a rush

When she don’t come around, I start to go nuts

SchoolBoy Q, Prescription/Oxymoron

Once you truly feel the agonizing pain of not having your favorite drug, you come to realize how much you truly think you need it. Key word “think”. From those intense body aches to that loving “rush” you get after finally consuming the “love of your life”, his lyricism captures each moment of that “relationship” we develop with our favorite drug(s). His portrayal of addiction is so captivating that I even nicknamed my own habit after his lyrics, “my little secret.” Of course we all know that drug addiction is not little in any way, shape or form but when you’re an addict you stupidly assume that no one will ever notice your change of personality, lack of hygiene, loss of interest in usual activities and overall different lifestyle. Personally, I went from a financially stable, loyal friend, boyfriend and father to a despicable human piece of garbage who lied, cheated, stole and hurt anyone who I saw would benefit me.

I cry when nothing’s wrong, I’m mad when peace is involved

My senses harmed, sluggish ruggish

A couple Xannies popped, open my pill box

Prescription drugs

SchoolBoy Q, Prescription/Oxymoron

I wish I took this song as a warning instead of an escape, especially when my own senses became “sluggish” and “harmed” or when I’d being to “cry when nothing’s wrong”, but I just felt one with the song instead. I’d pretend that I’m the one who wrote it and would constantly quote his lyrics, even after my temporary separation from music. Though, the one line that I should’ve truly listened to was the most important…

What’s wrong? You tired? You mad? Okay, I love you, daddy

SchoolBoy Q, Prescription/Oxymoron

Q masterfully and elegantly adds his daughters adorable voice in to symbolize her worries for him, trying to get his attention throughout the song but he’s too high and too worried about his next phone call being his dealer.

If you ain’t selling drugs, then I don’t hear a thing

-SchoolBoy Q, Prescription/Oxymoron

Again I now see it as a foreshadow on my life, the times I’d stare at my phone praying that my dealer would call me back just to deny me a cuff I had asked for hours earlier. Ignoring my son because I was too sick to be a father. I wish I had grasped this song for what it truly was, a warning. A warning that addiction is no joke. That addiction will take over your life and that short lived feeling of “love” and euphoria is temporary and will soon turn into the one feeling you hate the most. The feeling that will make you prefer death over experiencing it, which eventually leads you to empty your accounts, steal from your significant other and/or family, steal from jobs or even plan to rob people or stores. Even plan to kill, depending on how deep you get. If you’re easily influenced and need a depressing song to get high to, I don’t recommend it. But the point of this is to acknowledge this song and my interpretation of it with my own experience as an addict. Should you listen to this master piece, keep in mind all the young souls lost to addiction, side effects from drugs and anything related to their pernicious effects.

This is my first real excerpt from a chapter in my book that explains my addiction and my toxic influences, of course I added the first part of it so it could help relate with the tragedy we recently faced but as always I hope to receive some constructive feedback and I hope those of you who took the time to read who are at risk or already using, will truly put my experiences into consideration. Again I go into more detail of the pain I cause once my book is released or to those who are interested in reviewing my chapters, but please remember the risks. That temporary feeling of love is not worth the lifestyle you eventually get out of it. – Jay Addicted, Fruits Of Addiction : A Pernicious Love

Published by The Reticent

My goal isn’t even success nor redemption. The damage I’ve caused is way too deep. I look to provide a mental and emotional sanctuary to those need it and remind our people that change is possible. Who knows, maybe if I had that I’d really have success and redemption.

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