Curly, My Very First Mistake

Christmas is right around the corner, everyone is doing shopping and racing to their local malls. Spending ridiculous amounts of money on gifts for their loved ones and even people they don’t really like but got picked as their secret Santa. Whatever the reason, people are going all out to buy these gifts!!

Me? Well, my only concern is my two kids and their mother. Even though we don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, she’s still the one person who’s been by my side through it all. I love that woman more than I love myself and I’d kill for her just as quick as I’d die for her. As a recovering addict, I’m not too sure how healthy that mentality is but it’s not going to change so let’s just leave it as it.

Okay so for those of you who’ve been keeping up with my posts and the chapters I’ve posted up from my upcoming book “Fruits Of Addiction: A Pernicious Love”…

A lot of you or at least some of you know how my story and addiction begins. The first woman to steal my heart… just to crush it and drive me into believing that drugs were a suitable escape, Curly. My origin story, the woman who I once wanted a life with, the one and only. Yeah, I’m sure you see where I’m going, and if you follow me on twitter (@FruitsOfAddictn) then you definitely already know.

So as I was stating before, my only concerns in regards to gift buying are my kids and their mother. As I’m walking through the mall in my city I decide to stop at Kay Jewelers to check on the status of my order ( not going to spoil any surprises ). Of course, it’s absolutely packed so I think to myself “f*ck this. I’ll be back.. maybe” and I start leaving. As I’m walking out I see a familiar figure. Usually, if I even think that I’m going to run into someone I know I try to hide behind people, but unfortunately, I was the only person leaving and this figure was the only one approaching me.

Again, you know where I’m going with this so I’ll just cut to the chase. That familiar figure was Curly. Yup. Surprise!! Curly was at my local mall. Note: after I dropped out of college she proceeded to obtain her Bachelor’s Degree in Political Science and moved to Boston so what brought her to my city knowing she doesn’t have family over here? I don’t know. She seemed hesitant to tell me who she was meeting with but it was obviously some love interest. No, I’m not jealous! “Then why are you writing about her?”

Well you see, Johnny, I usually take full responsibility for my actions and my addiction because nobody put a gun to my head and forced me to swallow that 5 milligram Percocet which inevitably became the love of my life for 6 years almost 7. But the state of my blinded mentality revolved around her. She didn’t force me to take the pill but she was the first woman who I thought I fell in love with and who absolutely destroyed my heart and views on love as a whole.

Although my heart dropped and I couldn’t even look her in the eye, she seemed so happy to see me. She went on to say that “I fell off the face of the earth” and I haven’t been answering her messages nor tried to reach out after all these years…

Uhhhhhh.. YEAH YOU THINK??

It took me years to fully get over her and on top of that she broke up with me. Or am I wrong for not keeping in touch? I don’t know, lately I’ve been making a lot of mistakes so maybe it is just me and it’s a common courtesy to stay in touch with the reason why you got into drugs in the first place… D*amn it there I go again victimizing myself!

But yeah our conversation consisted of “How’s your son?”, “Are you still with Lily?”, “How are you feeling health-wise?” Forgive me if I’m being ignorant but is this the part where I relapse or…?

Sorry, that joke was in bad taste. Out of all people, I should know that people are going through negativity and a constant hell because of addiction. But anyways, something deep inside of me, my intuition I believe, is telling me that this is more than a coincidence. Does that make sense? Truth is I ended up seeing two more people that have to do with the destruction that occurred in my life at the same exact place!

I’ll try not to overthink it. I need to be strong. So aside from that, I was blessed with the opportunity to give my input to a few addicts who reached out for my opinion/ to thank me for being a positive figure in our negative and dark addict community. I hope these people find the answers they’re looking for and the same to anyone else with other issues. It doesn’t have to be an addiction, if anyone is interested I am always willing to email, message, text, etc. people who need a shoulder to cry on / vent to!

Happy holidays everyone!!

It’s almost time for my book to be released btw!!! Any of you interested in being a beta reader?? Let me know!!!

Published by The Reticent

My goal isn’t even success nor redemption. The damage I’ve caused is way too deep. I look to provide a mental and emotional sanctuary to those need it and remind our people that change is possible. Who knows, maybe if I had that I’d really have success and redemption.

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