Merry Christmas to all! Such a wondrous holiday… for the kids. Let’s be realistic, for us adults it’s stressful, irritating and can be overwhelming. But the looks on our loved one’s faces are a magical sensation. I really hope those of you who are reading this post have an amazing day and a well-deserved rest from all the stress you faced from making today magical for those you love!
Once my beautiful Lily and our two kids got home after a day with their grandparents, they were so happy. My son had a tool set gifted to him by my stepdaughter’s grandfather which seemed to be his favorite gift so far! He’s two and he’s unbelievably intelligent so seeing him adjust the toy drill really amazed me.
But for one of the main topics of my post, it mostly directed to those who feel lonely or feel bad because of financial hardships or because they are unwelcome to their family’s houses for whatever reason. I get it. During the prime stages of my addiction, if I wasn’t jobless during the holiday season I was spending whole paychecks on drugs.
No matter how lonely you may feel or how bad you want to give in to negative tendencies, keep your own happiness in mind! Although it’s easier said than done, relapse will only ruin your day and the rest of the year. Whatever the reason that you’re alone may be, try not to let yourself prove those who doubt you, right!
For me, my loved one knew I’d be wasting my day high off of opiates and because they all made it obvious, I though me proving them right would hurt them. No. I was only hurting myself. I see that now. The best gift I gave myself was sobriety and even though I still have people in my life who want to blame me for whatever shortcomings they may have and blame me for whatever discrepancy they face, I know deep down that I’m as clean as a whistle. I don’t tolerate people’s looks of suspicion anymore and the best thing to do is ignore their ignorance. Again, it’s easier said than done but people also are ignorant to the fact that the holiday season is even harder for those who suffer from addiction. While other’s stresses are buying a gift before the store closes, ours comes from the negativity we face because of our illness. Will anybody ever understand? Yeah, if they follow in our footsteps but let’s pray that our loved one never have to understand our pain.
Me? I know what it feels like to feel like a dead beat and because of my habits, I also know what it’s like to be excluded from family events. I would’ve loved for those people who have (or still are) blamed me for shit behind my back to feel my pain for just one second but that’s the equivalent to wishing death upon someone. I can’t let karma have her way with me so I keep my thoughts to myself 😜
I really wish I spent time with my family and with the family I created but hopefully one day they’ll come to see that I’m committed to my sobriety and committed to being the man I once was. Even if that isn’t possible, hopefully, I can be better than before.
This year I sat at home all day working on my book and formatting chapters. I finally reached my word count goal of 50k so I spent every second perfecting my craft. Thankfully I have some AMAZING friends from twitter who are helping me by reviewing my chapters and giving me their constructive criticism which will hopefully make my project a success!! This being my first book, I’m sure it’ll be bad due to grammatical errors or maybe because it’s my first time writing a book so maybe it won’t appeal to my selected audience but whatever!! My goal is to share my story and let addicts know that they’re not alone! Redemption is possible. For those at risk, I have they use my story as a guide on what not to do if they ever decide to make any decisions. I can’t make anyone see the gift of sobriety but I can at least share my experiences so that my mistakes aren’t repeated.
With that being said, I’m so grateful for everyone who has helped me up to this point and I’ll do my best to give credit where credit is due!
Merry Christmas to all and for anyone suffering from addiction remember, stay warm and stay positive!!! It’s almost over, every day is a new day!