An Exciting Updated For Those Who Care!!

So I’m on the final steps to publishing my first book for those who are interested in memoirs, addiction recovery, and mental health issues!

The Fruits Of Addiction: A Pernicious Love … via @amazon MY FIRST EBOOK VERSION IS APPROVED FOR PREORDER!!!! My book will be released as an ebook and as a paper back book!

To celebrate, I’m going to add a quick excerpt from my book!

“I accept that I’m a person of color. I accept that I come from poverty and I accept that I will always be defined as a ”junkie.”
When someone experiences addiction and successfully overcomes it’s affects, it develops a new sense of desire to share their experiences. This may not be true for those who kicked their habit and kept it pushing, it’s definitely true for me and for the few acquaintances I met while trying to advocate and spread awareness on addiction. See, after all of the pain I spread, my road to recovery was somewhat successful. I attempted to build a support base to hopefully spread knowledge on what addicts go through to hopefully open the minds of those who are curious and even those who may be at risk. With that being said, I am so proud and happy to say that I’ve managed to inspire a few recovering addicts/ active addicts to give back to their communities and help guide them through a healthy transition to recovery.
I may not be a certified substance abuse advocate but I do believe that my experience puts me on equal grounds with those who have reached out for advice based on my experiences. I will never claim to know more than anyone else because everyone has their own unique experience but I at least am willing to become a positive role model. But even with my newfound mission to become a voice for addicts and hopefully, bring people to acknowledge addiction’s mixed with mental illness’ detrimental effects, I can’t help but sense doubt and hatred from those who know me personally.
So a message to those who look down on us for being “junkies,” don’t try to hide it, we can always see the judgment and disdain in your eyes. And I have a quick question meant to make you think and please think deeply if you relate; when you realize things are ”missing” or ”out of place, ” the first person you think of is the one in recovery or the person who you assume is an addict. I would too and I have too but because I’d wake up to addicts looking through my room at 6 am. But those of you who NEVER experienced that, YOU’RE who my question is for. Why is that? Were you told as a child to believe that addicts are all the same? Or did mutual friends make you believe something you never saw with your own eyes? Like I said, as a victim I understand the accusations but as an addict in recovery, I’ve been interrogated for shit that made absolutely no sense or shit I wasn’t even in the premises for.
The thing about people knowing you’re an addict is that they all become suspicious of you. Even after you been clean for however long, whatever credibility you had in the past becomes void. The same people who you’ve kept from becoming homeless, now think that they are “better” because, out of their many selfish and self-destructive decisions, addiction wasn’t one of them. I may have hurt my girlfriend and my kids because of it but those who were quick to judge me, still hurt so many more people than I did and didn’t have a demon to feed on a daily basis.
It doesn’t matter if you’re the pope, or you’re giving your life to Jesus. The second anybody finds out you gave in to addiction, you’ll forever carry that label of “drug addict” and ”junkie.” At first, I resented the nickname but now I see that only the strong survive addiction. Those who haven’t experienced this hell will always judge and speak on this topic with pure ignorance but pulling through the negativity gives us in recovery a new sense of pride. I know that if I didn’t experience this hell, I wouldn’t be humble and I’d still believe that I’m illusively superior to everyone. But no matter what lessons I learn, some factors will most likely haunt me for the rest of my life. I see it as my demon’s final “fuck you” for abandoning her like a bad habit. Pun intended.
The look that was once a look of happiness for meeting a new friend, acquaintance or even a love for someone they thought they knew, quickly evolved into a look of disgust. As if their eyes are yelling out, ”I’m better than you, ” or ” your poor parents, they’ve probably suffered so much.” Just say it.
I know how much pain I’ve caused, I know how many tears dripped on my behalf. It’s no secret. Literally, anyone who found out who I really am treated me as if I was a fiend. To this day, I can’t walk in my own house without being accused of shit that never happened. No matter how many drug tests I pass, and how hard I work to keep my nose clean, that label sticks out and sets me apart from the rest. From false accusations of kids who want to feel relevant when adults bring my name up to jealous and envious ex-friends meddling in my relationships with “warnings” of habits that they never personally suffered. My past “love” will forever haunt me, whispering at me until I satisfy her own need for attention
At this point I’ve been clean for months, by the time anybody even reads this book, hopefully it’ll be years. I don’t see myself in 5 years. Just like when I think back and see darkness. If I try to imagine what’s in store for tomorrow, all I’ll see is darkness. Though, I did learn to accept that living one day at a time was the best method for me to strive.
When I was blinded by the haze my demon would leave behind, I learned to live in the moment and leave tomorrow’s worries to tomorrow’s me. That lifestyle may work for some people but not for me. Also, the fact that not having a productive day leaves me vulnerable to hearing the whispers of that “love” who single handily ruined my life, I developed a system that keeps me busy. Some days are harder than most but I’m happy. I’m motivated. And most importantly, I’m with the people I love the most” – Fruits of Addiction: A Pernicious Love, Chapter 16

Thank you!! 🎉🎊🎉🎊 — Jay 🏅🏆

Also, one of my close friends has been helping me out by giving me shout outs so I’ll do the same!

He says —> “Hi! Please give my page a look! This website is a pet store that offers a variety of affordable dog and cats beds, blankets, hygiene essentials etc. Use discount code NEWSUB20 for 20% Off entire order on top of the automatic 15% off new customers already get!
Also, I’m looking for people who want their pets featured on our weekly/monthly blogs and also I’d love some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.
Site offers certain deals aside from the automatic discounts. Text and email tracking/updates and a message option with immediate response for those who need help or have questions. Thank you again everyone!

Published by The Reticent

My goal isn’t even success nor redemption. The damage I’ve caused is way too deep. I look to provide a mental and emotional sanctuary to those need it and remind our people that change is possible. Who knows, maybe if I had that I’d really have success and redemption.

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