Greetings to all! I’m sorry for being MIA for a while, I haven’t been making any type of posts nor have I been active in writing. Though, I have been sober! I hope many of you can say the same! But for those of you who can’t, I’ve been keeping you in my thoughts.
Thats the main topic of today’s post. Being an addict during this unfortunate time. It’s hard enough being a drug addict when their ISN’T a virus threatening the world but since their is, things only get THAT much tougher. Of course, their are so many other things that we should be worried about; our kids, our finances, being able to provide for those who depend on us and our health overall. But when you need a drug or drugs to function in order to do what you usually do, its becomes a whole other worry.
For this past week, many of us have been put on leave or have been laid off from work. My job has been closed until April so I can only imagine what others are going through.
See, the main reason why I started thinking about this topic is because, as a recovering addict I’m still going to the methadone clinic to receive treatment. The goal is to eventually leave the program but I still don’t feel strong enough to stay clean without some kind of help. 2020 has been good but the negative aspects of my life this year will always out weigh the positives. From losing my house to losing my family, I don’t think I have the right state of mind to follow sobriety’s path alone.
On Monday I visited the clinic only to find the dosing line wrapped around the building instead on being wrapped around the hallways. Why were we all standing outside in the rain? Well because THIS was Brockton’s answer to the virus. Keeping addicts and their kids outside in the rain while only letting 2 to 3 of us in at a time as if we were dogs. Theres times where I HAVE to bring my son with me to the clinic and unfortunately thats what I had to do this day in particular. My solution? I waited in my car with until the line died down and was the LAST person to be dosed just so I didn’t have to wait with my son in the rain. Driving around seeing single mothers hold their babies, toddlers and young children without any umbrellas broke my heart. My concern is my son’s health and I was not going to put him through it. We were not allowed in the building for anything in the world.
So what happens when drug dealers decide that they don’t want to risk getting sick so they stop serving people? What will those addicts do? Those people who don’t receive treatment, those who walk the streets and have no where to go, what’s their solution? Does the government have a solution for our fellow addicts who don’t have the money, insurance or resources to move forward and receive treatment?
Imagine being sick from withdrawals and being sick from this virus. Personally, I wouldn’t last. I just wanted us to think about this issue. Okay, okay, those who have never experienced addiction and don’t have loved ones who suffer from this issue really could care less about our well being.
Let me remind you of those individuals who lived in my house BEFORE I lost it. I’ve been thinking, if any of those individuals lived in my house during this pandemic, would they have decided to be GOOD PEOPLE for once and actually pay rent? You know, would they have stopped being selfish scum and said “Hey, its been long enough, thank you for being patient and keeping us from being homeless, its time we contribute and ACTUALLY pay for your services as we should have, instead of looking for our own interests. Here’s the rent we owe.” WOULD THEY??? Doubtful, but Lily (my love) and I already knew how certain individuals were from the beginning. We let our helpful nature get the best of us. Honestly, if we still had that house, we would have gotten sick this first day of lock down. There was no respect by any of the tenants we had, hence the fact that we never even got a thank you by anyone.
But back to the issue I was addressing. What options do addicts have during this crisis? Are we still going to be treated like dogs during this pandemic at the methadone clinic? Does anybody care about my fellow addicts/recovering addicts?
Realistically, we all know the answers. So we’re going to have to come up with our own. Self quarantine, NEVER SHARE NEEDLES, Don’t share drugs (which I’m sure you’re HAPPY to hear) and start planning for the worst. Maybe you’ll have a dealer who will see you but be prepared incase you don’t. We all need a plan B, whether it be starting treatment before its too late or weening yourself off of drugs on your own, just stay safe, stay clean and stay healthy.. well as healthy as possible.
Now another issue i recently thought of that every addict goes through that may not want to admit, isolation. Heres the thing, we’re expected to keep away from others during this pandemic which, with my current state of mind, I have no issue doing. Because I already experienced the whole ” I need dope to function, I need my girl to feel whole” phase, I can understand why this pandemic can negatively affect an addicts mental state as well. In 2019 I had contemplated suicide on many occasions because of my isolation and due to my lack of funds/drugs, so put my previous point into consideration for a second, please.
My dealer isn’t coming to see me because he decided to quarantine himself with his family, and either way I’m out of work from the virus spreading so I don’t have money to buy anything. What else can I do? Stay at home because technically WE ALL are on lock down. My actions from my addiction pushed everyone I love away from me, nobody trusts me, nobody wants to let me borrow money, and I’m alone. This isolation is going to be the death of me…
See what I mean? I’ve been there. No money, burnt bridges, destroyed relationships, and a one sided depressing mentality from the lack of drugs. My withdrawals would make me emotional, angry, sad and have me regretting every decision that led me to rock bottom. THAT is what addicts in this pandemic are feeling. Is it any different from everyday life? For some “yes,” for others “no.” Some rely on working to get their fix, some rely on the freedom to drive around with out the fear of contracting a virus, while the remaining few would be in this position regardless. Like I said, I’m just speaking from personal experience and from my own curiosity. I hope addicts have a plan B or just detox themselves/find a way to reach out for help, but then again, thats my wish for every day life. With or without this pandemic.
Now for the homeless, I’m sorry for your predicament. Technically I am too but I have my own back up plans and contingency plans and I will do as much research as I can to inform any readers who are going through those issues. I will be more active so help me HELP YOU!! And keep in mind, Addicts are people too although other people don’t feel the same.
Addicts are a minority, and we all know how minorities are treated in this country.
Being a Hispanic and an addict, I know TOO well.
Thanks for reading and wondering with me!