Love & Infidelity

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for your patience. I look forward to sharing my work with you in the future but in the meantime I am going to give you a little insider on my current project.

I have yet to decide on whether I should make this piece into a post “Fruits Of Addiction” project or just leave it as it’s own and stay on topic (which revolves around love, infidelity, relationships, family etc.) but either way, so far I’m pretty happy with what I have. Of course I am integrating my own experiences into this project but I’m also planning on making it into a more thorough and better researched piece. Unlike my first book “Fruits Of Addiction: A Pernicious Love” which I wanted solely to be my own opinions and experiences.

I’m still a long way from finishing it, of course I’m looking to hopefully write between 150-200 pages (again) but so far this topic is very broad and making it into a personal piece may be a tad difficult in a sense.

Either way, the point of this post is to introduce an excerpt from this project to hopefully gain some insight on the writing and whether continuing would be a good idea. Also if I should make it into a FOA sequel or keep it as a new project. Thank you so much for reading, everyone!!! Enjoy 🙂


Part 1: Love

Love. The most beautiful feeling that one will ever experience.

Love. The meaning of life for most.

Love. The tragic end for others.

Love. Bestows a sense of completion along with a brand new vision on life.

Love. An ambiance that illuminates the vastly vaguest hearts and minds.

We all want to be loved, but as most have heard before; you must love yourself before you can love anyone else. That being the most heartbreaking piece of wisdom I once received from a woman who single-handedly tore my heart in two. She, the paragon of female beauty; I, a trembling specter.

I thought I knew what love was. I was willing to bleed out a river to demonstrate the love I felt for her. I used my sharpest knife to slice her name into my chest with the hope that she’d see the severity of my undying love. Not only that, I’d do it to remind myself that I’m alive. But now all I have left are scars throughout my body and polaroids of a past experience that left me with a hole in my heart.

I thought I was good enough to keep her happy, I was willing to yell out her name for the world to hear, even tattoo her name on my chest right over the scars that were slowly healing. I hoped that our mutuality would last just as long as those letters displayed boldly on my skin.

I thought that nothing I did would push her away, I was convinced that she would wipe away my mishandling as elegantly as she wiped those tears from her cheeks. Her skin left glistening after each tear raced down her face as if it was trying to reach her neck before being wiped away. It felt as if the more tears she wiped; the more her love was wiped along with them.

I swear I wanted her happy. Eventually, it felt like I was speaking only to myself when trying to convince an audience who saw the same flaws she saw in me. But there’s the main difference. While everyone else judged me for each flaw I unknowingly portrayed, she adored me. Those flaws are what she fell in love with. Those flaws are what made me stand out from the hundreds of men trying to be in my exact position. The beauty of our time spent together, stunning and sexy; as we kissed, and as she laid with the manipulative and conniving wraith I had become.

See, when you know how to use your flaws to your advantage and distort them to the point that they look like a unique quality rather than a damning disposition, that is when you can become whoever you want to. You can become the bad boy that she lusts over. You can become the warrior that she craves. You can become the source of stability that she needs. What exactly is this though? Manipulation so you could bend and control her at will? Prevarication so that you don’t reveal how damaged you truly are? Pray that she doesn’t see through your act because the second your true nature prevails, that lust she once had and those cravings for you that would drive her wild will quickly disperse. At that instance, she won’t love you for you, she loved that picture you painted. She loved the character you played. Your new role will be the stranger who she doesn’t recognize. She will feel disgusted for laying with you, disgusted for putting her lips all over you and disgusted for ever loving you.

– Jay


Again that was just a small fraction of what I have, but hopefully that was enough to understand what my overall idea is. To understand and try to explain the feeling of love along with the pain that follows when infidelity makes its way. Not just that, but other ideas that intertwine with the two. Please let me know what you think!!! Thank you all!

Published by JAddicted

Like most of you, or some of you... maybe even none of you, I suffer from addiction. No, Im not talking “blog” addiction, or “internet” addiction, because that’s not addiction. I suffer from drug addiction and my goal is to become the voice of those who can’t, wont or are just too scared to speak up. My goal isn’t even success nor redemption. The damage I’ve caused is way too deep. I look to provide a mental and emotional sanctuary to those need it and remind our people that change is possible. Who knows, maybe if I had that I’d really have success and redemption.

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