mind of illness: d e p r e s s e d

For those who have been keeping up with my work for as long as I’ve been writing, i appreciate you all so much!! As long as I enlighten or at least provoke a thought or two, I am happy. As you all know, my goal is to spread awareness on the many issues that revolve around addiction and mental illness.

With that being said, here is my second part to the little collection of excerpts I decided to start writing.

I wrote this for those of you who have been- or are- depressed, can understand the isolation and the darkness you feel from this seemingly never ending prison. I’ve been stuck for so long that it felt as if I was no longer myself, i eventually hated myself more than usual.

With that being said, I hope you enjoy part two of my “mind of illness” collection!!


The soul. So powerful, so deep…

So beautiful, yet so fragile.

The soul craves a sincere commitment that is reciprocated through affirmations. If the soul is deprived of that, it will grow weak thus leading to reticent behaviors. For a soul with no love has no purpose;

Upon that realization, I looked towards a quickly dimming light. One that felt familiar but I could not recognize at first.

As I approached what had resembled a dyin sun; I was stripped of everything that had once defined who I was.

See, my soul had lost the vitality of a vibrant love;

a vibrant love that had once shaped who I was….

The laughs, the smiles, and the kisses I was once showered with had become ephemeral memories. They turned into cries of pain and glares consisting of hateful eyes looking up and down. I had become the sole reason as to why my future suffered.

I was unwilling to embrace this new change and ran towards that dying glint. The constant running tired me and I began to lose track of the purpose I looked to secure…

After a while, the sweat became tears, and the tears then dried into an empty stare. The light grew more and more distant until I could no longer see it. Any trace of purity I held onto had disappeared along with the very light I valiantly yearned.

I changed directions, accepting what my fate had become. Accepting the darkness, accepting the poignant embodiment of this dismal self-identify; a reminder of who I was never meant to become. Where I’m heading there aren’t any more smiles, there aren’t any kisses or laughs.

Once I reach my destination, I promise you one thing:

who I was will cease to exist,

and who I will become will no longer hold any recollection of this past life.

• • •

So leave me be, don’t try to find me, for I can no longer find myself. This darkness is deep and chaoticly captivating, the light I held on to is now a visage of the hopes I will eventually lose.

I am no longer reachable, for the darkness has no time. It is unvarnished and it has no urgency. Once one is lost in here, the only thing one can see is the memories of a past life, the only thing one can feel is the silent caressing of the cold.

I breathe out the warmth, releasing any notion of approbation. And I breathe in the cold, the reaffirmation of a desolate stay… For depression has no friends, no family, and no love… All of which I gave up, the second I began running.

-Jay. The Mind Of Illness:

d e p r e s s e d

The Fruits Of Addiction: A Pernicious Love

Published by The Reticent

My goal isn’t even success nor redemption. The damage I’ve caused is way too deep. I look to provide a mental and emotional sanctuary to those need it and remind our people that change is possible. Who knows, maybe if I had that I’d really have success and redemption.

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