3 Things I Did To Help Me Stay Sober

A common issue those of us in recovery face is keeping our minds distracted to avoid wavering and ruining our sobriety. Throughout my many years as a drug addict, I’ve attempted to self rehabilitate and keep myself clean. The lack of motivation and mental strength I faced kept me from keeping sober so I relapsed more times than I can count.

So how is now any different than before? The love of my life left me, I have a source of income with my dealer constantly trying to contact me, so why am I more successful now? It’s 2020 and being quarantined is NOT making it easy to stay clean, I can guarantee that. So I should might as well introduce the topic of this post.

  1. Blogging, Book writing.

So the main reason to my sobriety revolves around writing. I started blogs, social media accounts and even wrote a book on my experiences as a drug addict. Of course, my overall goal was to reach out to those who face similar struggles and hopefully enlighten them to follow their own paths of sobriety and positivity. Throughout my time preaching sobriety and trying to be the voice of positivity through my work and online presence, I’ve managed to reach a few people and developed an audience (on twitter specifically @FruitsOfAddictn) and have been fortunate enough to guide those who were in need. I have an “Open Direct Message” policy for anyone who needs a safe space or even someone to confide in. Whether it be to ask for advice or even just vent about what they’re going through, I’ve been blessed to play the role of “counselor,” per say. Of course I’m am far from perfect and don’t have the experience of a professional, being able to help anyone at-risk has been a huge motivation for me to stay sober. Even though this plays a huge role in my journey to stay sober, I’ve had a few dry spells where my work and engagement dwindled so I had to find other ventures to keep my mind and spirit busy.

2. Online E-Commerce.

Like I stated before, it’s 2020 and we are currently facing a vile pandemic by the name of COVID-19. Most of us were unlucky and now have no jobs nor any source of income. This is were e-commerce comes in. I learned about shopify when I looked up “how to make money easily” when I was broke trying to make easy money to buy dope back when I was an addict and the topics that caught my eye were “write an ebook,” “start a blog” and “open an e-commerce store.”

Yes, these caught my eye (at the time) but I never acted upon them because when you’re an active drug user, our definition of “easy money” means us LITERALLY being handed $40 for our next fix. I didn’t want to think, I didn’t want to do research, and I sure as hell didn’t want to spend hours creating websites and developing a brand.

This was something I could only do when my mind was clear and I was willing to spend the time. Luckily for me, when I finally decided to stop doing drugs, and my online blog/social media presence wasn’t as explosive as it was the first few months, I reread that article and the lightbulb above my head that was turned off for so long had finally been replaced and was shinning brighter than ever.

My first week Of e-commerce and using Shopify as a platform was a success. Throughout 3 different online stores I had made close to $10,000. The goal of my writing and blogging was to become an icon for addicts, while my goal for my online stores was just to make as much money as I could in the shortest period of time. Which I did but just like my blogging, this had died down. I spent hundreds on influencer marketing on Instagram for each account I had created for my stores and I continued to create stores just to expand my reach. I had an online pet store, a women’s leggings/apparel store, a store for wireless headphones, a Valentine’s Day store, etc. At one point I was dividing my time between 9 different websites which kept me unbelievably busy. I had completely stopped thinking about drugs and I even stopped blogging and checking in on those who reached out to me for advice on their addiction. I quickly spent even more money on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Google ads which left me with less money than I had anticipated and because I was still an amateur at the whole aspect of running an online business, I stopped making as much money, I went from making 10k in 8 days to making maybe $100 in a month. Another failed venture. Unfortunately for me, I have a weak mentality and when I fail at something I set my heart to, I become unbearable depressed. I began thinking about drugs almost immediately. But hey, I was still needed in my sober living community so I began to write once again. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still running an online store, but this time it’s just one that I’m focusing on. Plus I already paid for a domain name, so might as well use it right?

3. Working Out.

I am unbelievably self conscious. I always have been, even as a kid. I’ve never been the type of person to have girls all over him and the type to post selfies and shirtless pictures. Some may say I’m attractive while most would say I’m not. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion but the opinion I’ve always had for myself is that I’m too skinny or too fat. Let’s get one thing straight before I continue. I have no issue with anyone being overweight. The mother of my children is quite heavy herself but she is EASILY the sexiest and most beautiful woman I have EVER laid eyes on (part of the reason why I’m so distraught that she decided to leave me). I loved every inch of her and I could NEVER have enough of her. Just thinking about her would get me hot and I saw her as a goddess. Of course she was self conscious as well but to me she was perfection. Enough about the love of my life/the one who got away, I’m talking about my own insecurities.

I used to be an athlete throughout high school and college and later I began to lift weights and went through a bulking phase where I gained a drastic amount of muscle. Of course this was before my addiction began. Either way I was at a point where I finally felt good and I could feel eyes on me and people (of both genders) undressing me with those eyes. A lot of people have a problem with others staring but not me! That’s how I knew I looked good! Although, it didn’t last. Through the many years as an addict I lost my progress and was unbelievably skinny once again from lack of eating and sleep and once I reached sobriety, I gained an unbelievable amount of weight. I am 70 pounds heavier now (although I have been working out), but at the start of my sobriety it was mostly fat. I made up for the years I didn’t eat by stuffing my face and filling my stomach with my favorite foods.

So this is where working out gets reintroduced. Again, because of this pandemic we are quarantined and yes we hate it, but please just stay home and make the best of it. I know I am! I invested in weights, a benching/squat rack, resistance bands and other equipment in order to maximize my overall transformation. My goal is to have a six pack again. No, not a “junkie who doesn’t eat” six pack, I’m talking about a “sex icon/Greek God” six pack. I want my fat turned into muscle and the motivation I have at the moment is watching OTHER people go through their transformations.

You know how I hope that my book and blogging can motivate others to walk the path of sobriety? Yeah well I’m doing that but instead of being the one who posts, I’m the audience. Youtube provides us with the ability to research other people’s successes and with that being said, if I ever feel unmotivated or get triggered and want to feel the euphoric effects of opiates, I go on YouTube and watch videos of people transforming their LIVES. Yes I know, it’s their bodies, but let’s be realistic. Eating is a form of addiction. Once the person decides to develop a healthy diet, routine and lifestyle, they change their lives for the best. Similar to those who chase sobriety.

I may not be rich and successful but I’m definitely not in the same position I was in last year. Yes I lost the one person who mattered more to me than my own life (not including my kids) BUT I’m not the same physically and mentally abusive, suicidal drug addict who’d get high and commit crimes just to avoid withdrawal symptoms. Also, I am finally not living with people who take advantage of any inch I’d give. Being separated from such negativity worked wonders on my being. My motto through out all my personal accounts has been “If the shoe fits, wear it,” and it looks like every opinion, complaint and FACT I have relates to A LOT of people who used to be part of my life. It seems like these few things were my only worry at the time, which makes me so happy so be writing this post.


So there you have it. 3 things I did and am still doing to keep my mind and my body away from the dastardly effects of drugs. I’m happier, my bank account is happier, my kids are happy they have their dad and God knows that these small hobbies played a huge role in my sobriety. I hope those who read this post can find the answers they are looking for and maybe this will help give some ideas. Thanks guys!

-Jay

PS My first book/memoir! Available free on #kindleunlimitied, 99¢ as #ebook and also #paperback

And for those who are curious, my store is

GDAudio.store

My other blog is

Medium.com/@fruitsofaddiction

Being An Addict During A Pandemic – Do We Have Options??

Greetings to all! I’m sorry for being MIA for a while, I haven’t been making any type of posts nor have I been active in writing. Though, I have been sober! I hope many of you can say the same! But for those of you who can’t, I’ve been keeping you in my thoughts.

Thats the main topic of today’s post. Being an addict during this unfortunate time. It’s hard enough being a drug addict when their ISN’T a virus threatening the world but since their is, things only get THAT much tougher. Of course, their are so many other things that we should be worried about; our kids, our finances, being able to provide for those who depend on us and our health overall. But when you need a drug or drugs to function in order to do what you usually do, its becomes a whole other worry.

For this past week, many of us have been put on leave or have been laid off from work. My job has been closed until April so I can only imagine what others are going through.

See, the main reason why I started thinking about this topic is because, as a recovering addict I’m still going to the methadone clinic to receive treatment. The goal is to eventually leave the program but I still don’t feel strong enough to stay clean without some kind of help. 2020 has been good but the negative aspects of my life this year will always out weigh the positives. From losing my house to losing my family, I don’t think I have the right state of mind to follow sobriety’s path alone.

On Monday I visited the clinic only to find the dosing line wrapped around the building instead on being wrapped around the hallways. Why were we all standing outside in the rain? Well because THIS was Brockton’s answer to the virus. Keeping addicts and their kids outside in the rain while only letting 2 to 3 of us in at a time as if we were dogs. Theres times where I HAVE to bring my son with me to the clinic and unfortunately thats what I had to do this day in particular. My solution? I waited in my car with until the line died down and was the LAST person to be dosed just so I didn’t have to wait with my son in the rain. Driving around  seeing single mothers hold their babies, toddlers and young children without any umbrellas broke my heart. My concern is my son’s health and I was not going to put him through it. We were not allowed in the building for anything in the world.

So what happens when drug dealers decide that they don’t want to risk getting sick so they stop serving people? What will those addicts do? Those people who don’t receive treatment, those who walk the streets and have no where to go, what’s their solution? Does the government have a solution for our fellow addicts who don’t have the money, insurance or resources to move forward and receive treatment?

Imagine being sick from withdrawals and being sick from this virus. Personally, I wouldn’t last. I just wanted us to think about this issue. Okay, okay, those who have never experienced addiction and don’t have loved ones who suffer from this issue really could care less about our well being.

Let me remind you of those individuals who lived in my house BEFORE I lost it. I’ve been thinking, if any of those individuals lived in my house during this pandemic, would they have decided to be GOOD PEOPLE for once and actually pay rent? You know, would they have stopped being selfish scum and said “Hey, its been long enough, thank you for being patient and keeping us from being homeless, its time we contribute and ACTUALLY pay for your services as we should have, instead of looking for our own interests. Here’s the rent we owe.” WOULD THEY??? Doubtful, but Lily (my love) and I already knew how certain individuals were from the beginning. We let our helpful nature get the best of us. Honestly, if we still had that house, we would have gotten sick this first day of lock down. There was no respect by any of the tenants we had, hence the fact that we never even got a thank you by anyone.

But back to the issue I was addressing. What options do addicts have during this crisis? Are we still going to be treated like dogs during this pandemic at the methadone clinic? Does anybody care about my fellow addicts/recovering addicts?

Realistically, we all know the answers. So we’re going to have to come up with our own. Self quarantine, NEVER SHARE NEEDLES, Don’t share drugs (which I’m sure you’re HAPPY to hear) and start planning for the worst. Maybe you’ll have a dealer who will see you but be prepared incase you don’t. We all need a plan B, whether it be starting treatment before its too late or weening yourself off of drugs on your own, just stay safe, stay clean and stay healthy.. well as healthy as possible.

Now another issue i recently thought of that every addict goes through that may not want to admit, isolation. Heres the thing, we’re expected to keep away from others during this pandemic which, with my current state of mind, I have no issue doing. Because I already experienced the whole ” I need dope to function, I need my girl to feel whole” phase, I can understand why this pandemic can negatively affect an addicts mental state as well. In 2019 I had contemplated suicide on many occasions because of my isolation and due to my lack of funds/drugs, so put my previous point into consideration for a second, please.

My dealer isn’t coming to see me because he decided to quarantine himself with his family, and either way I’m out of work from the virus spreading so I don’t have money to buy anything. What else can I do? Stay at home because technically WE ALL are on lock down. My actions from my addiction pushed everyone I love away from me, nobody trusts me, nobody wants to let me borrow money, and I’m alone. This isolation is going to be the death of me…

See what I mean? I’ve been there. No money, burnt bridges, destroyed relationships, and a one sided depressing mentality from the lack of drugs. My withdrawals would make me emotional, angry, sad and have me regretting every decision that led me to rock bottom. THAT is what addicts in this pandemic are feeling. Is it any different from everyday life? For some “yes,” for others “no.” Some rely on working to get their fix, some rely on the freedom to drive around with out the fear of contracting a virus, while the remaining few would be in this position regardless. Like I said, I’m just speaking from personal experience and from my own curiosity. I hope addicts have a plan B or just detox themselves/find a way to reach out for help, but then again, thats my wish for every day life. With or without this pandemic.

Now for the homeless, I’m sorry for your predicament. Technically I am too but I have my own back up plans and contingency plans and I will do as much research as I can to inform any readers who are going through those issues. I will be more active so help me HELP YOU!! And keep in mind, Addicts are people too although other people don’t feel the same.

Addicts are a minority, and we all know how minorities are treated in this country.

Being a Hispanic and an addict, I know TOO well.

Thanks for reading and wondering with me!

Jay.

Fruits of Addiction NOW AVAILABLE ON AMAZON!!!!

Hi everyone, I’m so proud and happy to let everyone know that my FIRST BOOK is finally available for purchase on Amazon!! Thank you so much for your support! Even if you read my posts (and liked or didn’t like it), seeing that many people were even keeping up with my content made me unbelievably happy and helped me strive to stay sober and keep spreading my message. Although I haven’t been too active because of other time taking ventures. THIS MISSION is by far my most important and most rewarding!! No not financially, rewarding in a sense that I am helping, even if it’s just one person. I want people to read my story and feel like they can do better and will hopefully never resort to drug use. Anyone who is already using, then I hope my books is a source of motivation to QUIT!!!

Again my link is https://www.amazon.com/dp/1709882093?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860

Or just click on any highlighted key words.

Fruits of Addiction: A Pernicious Love By Jay Orgullo

Book Release!!

Hi everyone,

I’m sooo sorry I haven’t been posting any content lately! I’ve been so busy moving from my house. It was a Terrible experience. Anyone who’s ever had the opportunity to live the rent free lavish life in my house, left ALL there trash behind. It was so aggravating cleaning after at least 3-4 sets of other grown ass mother fuckers who were completely ungrateful and unwilling to clean after themselves.

I’m sorry that’s not the point. The point of this post is that I’m finally done with my first book!! I hit the “publish” button and after years of drug use and months of writing, editing and reflecting, I am finally ready to share my story with anyone and everyone! My ebook version was already up for preorder but now both versions (ebook and paperback) will be available for purchase by the end of the week!!! Thank you so much for everyone’s support!

An Exciting Updated For Those Who Care!!

So I’m on the final steps to publishing my first book for those who are interested in memoirs, addiction recovery, and mental health issues!

The Fruits Of Addiction: A Pernicious Love amazon.com/dp/B084FT8VYR/ … via @amazon MY FIRST EBOOK VERSION IS APPROVED FOR PREORDER!!!! My book will be released as an ebook and as a paper back book!

To celebrate, I’m going to add a quick excerpt from my book!

“I accept that I’m a person of color. I accept that I come from poverty and I accept that I will always be defined as a ”junkie.”
When someone experiences addiction and successfully overcomes it’s affects, it develops a new sense of desire to share their experiences. This may not be true for those who kicked their habit and kept it pushing, it’s definitely true for me and for the few acquaintances I met while trying to advocate and spread awareness on addiction. See, after all of the pain I spread, my road to recovery was somewhat successful. I attempted to build a support base to hopefully spread knowledge on what addicts go through to hopefully open the minds of those who are curious and even those who may be at risk. With that being said, I am so proud and happy to say that I’ve managed to inspire a few recovering addicts/ active addicts to give back to their communities and help guide them through a healthy transition to recovery.
I may not be a certified substance abuse advocate but I do believe that my experience puts me on equal grounds with those who have reached out for advice based on my experiences. I will never claim to know more than anyone else because everyone has their own unique experience but I at least am willing to become a positive role model. But even with my newfound mission to become a voice for addicts and hopefully, bring people to acknowledge addiction’s mixed with mental illness’ detrimental effects, I can’t help but sense doubt and hatred from those who know me personally.
So a message to those who look down on us for being “junkies,” don’t try to hide it, we can always see the judgment and disdain in your eyes. And I have a quick question meant to make you think and please think deeply if you relate; when you realize things are ”missing” or ”out of place, ” the first person you think of is the one in recovery or the person who you assume is an addict. I would too and I have too but because I’d wake up to addicts looking through my room at 6 am. But those of you who NEVER experienced that, YOU’RE who my question is for. Why is that? Were you told as a child to believe that addicts are all the same? Or did mutual friends make you believe something you never saw with your own eyes? Like I said, as a victim I understand the accusations but as an addict in recovery, I’ve been interrogated for shit that made absolutely no sense or shit I wasn’t even in the premises for.
The thing about people knowing you’re an addict is that they all become suspicious of you. Even after you been clean for however long, whatever credibility you had in the past becomes void. The same people who you’ve kept from becoming homeless, now think that they are “better” because, out of their many selfish and self-destructive decisions, addiction wasn’t one of them. I may have hurt my girlfriend and my kids because of it but those who were quick to judge me, still hurt so many more people than I did and didn’t have a demon to feed on a daily basis.
It doesn’t matter if you’re the pope, or you’re giving your life to Jesus. The second anybody finds out you gave in to addiction, you’ll forever carry that label of “drug addict” and ”junkie.” At first, I resented the nickname but now I see that only the strong survive addiction. Those who haven’t experienced this hell will always judge and speak on this topic with pure ignorance but pulling through the negativity gives us in recovery a new sense of pride. I know that if I didn’t experience this hell, I wouldn’t be humble and I’d still believe that I’m illusively superior to everyone. But no matter what lessons I learn, some factors will most likely haunt me for the rest of my life. I see it as my demon’s final “fuck you” for abandoning her like a bad habit. Pun intended.
The look that was once a look of happiness for meeting a new friend, acquaintance or even a love for someone they thought they knew, quickly evolved into a look of disgust. As if their eyes are yelling out, ”I’m better than you, ” or ” your poor parents, they’ve probably suffered so much.” Just say it.
I know how much pain I’ve caused, I know how many tears dripped on my behalf. It’s no secret. Literally, anyone who found out who I really am treated me as if I was a fiend. To this day, I can’t walk in my own house without being accused of shit that never happened. No matter how many drug tests I pass, and how hard I work to keep my nose clean, that label sticks out and sets me apart from the rest. From false accusations of kids who want to feel relevant when adults bring my name up to jealous and envious ex-friends meddling in my relationships with “warnings” of habits that they never personally suffered. My past “love” will forever haunt me, whispering at me until I satisfy her own need for attention
At this point I’ve been clean for months, by the time anybody even reads this book, hopefully it’ll be years. I don’t see myself in 5 years. Just like when I think back and see darkness. If I try to imagine what’s in store for tomorrow, all I’ll see is darkness. Though, I did learn to accept that living one day at a time was the best method for me to strive.
When I was blinded by the haze my demon would leave behind, I learned to live in the moment and leave tomorrow’s worries to tomorrow’s me. That lifestyle may work for some people but not for me. Also, the fact that not having a productive day leaves me vulnerable to hearing the whispers of that “love” who single handily ruined my life, I developed a system that keeps me busy. Some days are harder than most but I’m happy. I’m motivated. And most importantly, I’m with the people I love the most” – Fruits of Addiction: A Pernicious Love, Chapter 16

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B084FT8VYR

Thank you!! 🎉🎊🎉🎊 — Jay 🏅🏆

Also, one of my close friends has been helping me out by giving me shout outs so I’ll do the same!

He says —> “Hi! Please give my page a look! This website is a pet store that offers a variety of affordable dog and cats beds, blankets, hygiene essentials etc. Use discount code NEWSUB20 for 20% Off entire order on top of the automatic 15% off new customers already get!
Also, I’m looking for people who want their pets featured on our weekly/monthly blogs and also I’d love some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.
Site offers certain deals aside from the automatic discounts. Text and email tracking/updates and a message option with immediate response for those who need help or have questions. Thank you again everyone!
Complex-quality.myshopify.com

https://complex-quality.myshopify.com